Wow, it's been almost a year since I posted here last, about eight months to be exact. I'm a whole new year older as of today: 2-02-2022. Normally I wouldn't boast about my birthday. That's one of those things I tend to leave to other people. I've decided to do it differently this year because in 2022 I'm promising to put myself first.
When I first stepped aside from blogging last year, my schedule had become so jam packed with working and babysitting that I barely had time to write. I had little time for myself at all. I was busy rendering my services to everyone else. Every now and again I'd think about writing but I'd come up with an excuse. "I don't have enough time" or "I don't have anything important enough to say." I began putting my thoughts and feelings on the back burner and considered them unimportant.
It wasn't until a week ago when I awoke sobbing one morning that I understood the damage I had been doing. I was wracked with emotional and physical pain. I couldn't even tell you what I was crying about. It was as if a dam had broken inside of me and out flowed every intense emotion I'd held in the last several months. The burden was finally too much to bear and the pipes burst under all the pressure. I felt like Luisa from Encanto, crushed under the weight and abandoned of her strength.
After a good cry and a session with my new therapist, I vowed never to let myself disappear like that again. In honor of my 32nd birthday, here are the 32 vows (plus 1 for good luck) I'm making to myself this year:
I vow to spend a few minutes alone each day soaking in my presence
I vow to trust my instincts
I vow to speak kindly to and about myself
I vow to creatively express myself in some form for my own good, not for others
I vow to feel my feelings and not judge them
I vow to watch my thoughts but not let them control me
I vow to stop holding my past mistakes against me
I vow to forgive myself
I vow to let shame go
I vow to be vulnerable
I vow to express what I'm feeling even if it's uncomfortable
I vow to cry when I need to
I vow to ask for help when I need it
I vow to be present and an active participant in my own happiness
I vow to take up space in the world and stop hiding
I vow to remember how to celebrate myself
I vow to allow others to celebrate me
I vow to rid myself of those who do not see the value of my companionship
I vow to focus on my opinion of me, not the opinion of others
I vow to stop comparing myself to others
I vow to listen to my body
I vow to take care of my body through exercise, visiting the doctor, eating well and resting
I vow to take days off
I vow to use the word 'no'
I vow to pamper myself often
I vow to spend time with people who refresh my soul
I vow to release what I can't control
I vow to relax and breathe
I vow to spend time listening to my spirit
I vow to believe God will deliver on all his promises to me
I vow to be grateful for what I've gone through
I vow to count my blessings and enjoy them
I vow to believe I am important and act on it.
A week ago, I was so exhausted, lost and overwhelmed, that I almost wasn't going to celebrate my birthday at all this year! If you know me you know my birthday is one of my favorite holidays. Once I came to my senses, I decided a birthday mini-vacation was needed. This weekend I will be busy getting massages, eating without guilt and sleeping as much as I want. It's a blessing to see another year and I'm going to enjoy it to the fullest. Today's my day and I'm going to shout it from the rooftops, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!
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