I notoriously hate selfies. I can’t ever figure out the lighting, I know very little about photo filters and capturing the perfect selfie angle. I struggle profusely with Facebook and Instagram and don’t even own a Snapchat or TikTok account.
Sometimes I feel like an outsider of my generation. While most people my age are glued to their social media pages I’ve tried hard to run away from it. It’s possible my avoidance is based in fear. The idea of putting myself out there always taunts and unnerves me.
But since creating this blog I’ve become less unsettled about revealing myself in an online space.
That’s why this past September I challenged myself to a 30 day Selfie Challenge. 30 straight days of taking (and posting) selfies to my barely-touched Instagram page.
Here’s what 30 days of selfies and putting myself (and my face) out there taught me:
It’s okay to not be perfect.
I am a perfectionist by nature. Whatever I do I want it to be good. From my lesson plans to my cooking, even down to an Instagram selfie. And of course we live in the age of duck syndrome and internet glorification which lends to this generation’s need to appear perfect. So naturally, during the course of my challenge, I took countless selfies trying to capture the perfect image- the right angle, the right lighting, and the right caption. Until I was reminded of why I started this challenge, and blog, in the first place: to come unraveled. Thus the name, “I come unraveled”. I wanted to shed layers, shed appearances. To get rid of the need to be perfect and showcase the real me. I decided if I was going to really complete this challenge, it was important for me to let it all hang out (dark circles and all).
Me, letting it all hang out
It’s okay to not be popular.
So after I began posting a few pictures, I noticed each day I would get only a few likes. Okay, so I only have maybe 70 or so followers on my Insta since I’m never on there, but I guess I was expecting all 70 of them to like my photos. Every day I’d check to see if my new selfie got more likes than the last one. After researching algorithms and how to use trending hashtags (instead of just creating cute and funny made-up ones) it hit me: I was trying too hard. #DoingTooMuch
Why was I so obsessed with other people’s validation? I liked my photos why did I need other people to click a button to show me how much they did too? Even with this blog there are times I refrain from posting or writing because I fear no one will be interested enough to read what I have to say. I had to remind myself that this selfie challenge and blog were never about other people but about learning to appreciate and accept myself.
Where I feel like my best self
It’s okay to be yourself.
There were certain moments during my selfie challenge when I was plagued with self-doubt. I wondered things like, “Should I have posted that photo with my hair looking like that?” or “Maybe I should tweeze my eyebrows or get a manicure?” Things I normally don’t care about in my daily life. In this digital era of social media influencers who advertise making millions overnight and celebrities who flash their lavish lifestyles to their followers, it’s easy to want to embellish and show off. To keep up appearances and let everyone know you’ve “arrived”. In truth, none of us have “made it”. We’re all still in need of work and self-improvement. As much as I would love to be my free-spirited, devil-may-care, come-unraveled self, I’m just not there yet. I will be one day but I’m still working on it. I’m working on quite a bit actually.
That’s something worth putting on display and being proud of. So for now I’ll continue posting my unruly natural hairstyles and awkward posts because that’s who I am.
In conclusion, this challenge has caused me to realize who it is I want to be and who it is I strive to show to the world. A girl – one who isn’t perfect, isn’t glamorous, maybe not all that popular, but who is okay with being herself – a woman becoming.
Selfies in September: an experiment in self-appreciation
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