So This is 30?

Recently I had a birthday. I turned the big 3-0. Dirty thirty, as they say.

I don’t know if you’ve ever turned 30 before but upon entering this new decade of my life, I realized I may be going through a quarter life/third life crisis.

See at 25, I set some goals for my life. I had some things I really wanted to accomplish. And I did accomplish most of those things. But my 30 year old self is losing her mind. All of a sudden she is trying to undo all the things I have worked so hard to achieve in my 20s.

At 25, my goals were to:

1. have a stable income

2. have a career I loved

3. be an independent adult (whatever that means).

Basically I wanted to have a job that paid me enough money where my parents didn’t have to pay any of my bills anymore. I had been working a few jobs both in and outside the field I hold my degree in, but nothing I was passionate about or that could bring me consistent, stable income. I wanted to be that girl from that Independent song by Webbie. “She got her own house, she got her own car, two jobs, work hard, she a bad broad!” (That used to be my jam.)

That was the meaning of adult life to me. So I changed my career path to one that was more meaningful, rewarding, and paid me more money. I got my own apartment, my own car, one stable job, and I worked hard. So basically I was a bad broad.

But over the past year or so leading up to my 30th, I’ve been wondering if I spent my 20s chasing the right things. Was I chasing what I really wanted or what I thought I was supposed to want?

More recently, I’ve been considering leaving my field and my stable job (which my adult self now realizes is not a real thing if they can legally fire me whenever they see fit). What once was a career I loved, is now just something I do because I’m good at it.

As for this independent, adulthood life, you can have that back. Don’t get me wrong, I love my home and my car but certainly not the bills that come with them. Had I not gotten married, I would have moved back in with my parents by now just to save more money.

I’m sure I sound like I’m complaining or maybe that’s the entitled Millennial in me, always chasing after the next thing. Except this time, whatever I’m chasing after I feel will be the thing I was supposed to be pursuing all along.

I can’t put my finger on it, but my spidey senses are tingling. I think this decade of 30 will be a different decade for me. As the last decade was so different from the decade before it. Though, I’m not yet sure if my 30 year old self is trying to sabotage me or change my life for the better. As I said before, maybe I’m just having a slight quarter life crisis. Maybe I’m actually coming unraveled at the seams.

Someone quoted something to me recently. She said, and I paraphrase:

“There is a YOU you haven’t met yet.”

Whoever that person is, I think I’m getting ready to meet her.

Welcome to I Come Unraveled. Welcome to my journey.

Have you ever experienced a quarter life/third life/midlife crisis? I can’t be the only one. Do tell and leave a comment!

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