In this post, I’m going to show you how to WIN in life even while being socially awkward (like kill it). Maybe you suffer from nerves, social anxiety, Aspergers, or maybe you’re just awkward around anyone who isn’t you (that’s ok). Here are a few tips I’ve used over the last few years that make my social ineptitude fly (mostly) under the radar a.k.a tricks I use to make people think I’m less socially awkward then I actually am.
Tip #1 Smile
There was a time the thought of being around others or in large groups was enough to make me sweat. Naturally my terror would show on my face or it would manifest as what’s known as resting-bitch-face, where I look like I’m about to tear someone’s head off. I gradually developed a poker face which I still possess and I’ve gotta say, it is darn good. But I learned the quickest way to let people know you are inviting, awesome, and most importantly not a complete asshole is by smiling at them. A smile doesn’t even need to include teeth. A grin or nod will do (this is my go-to in passing). If you feel like words won’t escape your mouth when necessary, just smile. If the person on the receiving end looks at you funny or less than receptive, you probably didn’t want to talk to them anyway. Who doesn’t need your gorgeous smile lighting up their day?
Tip #2 Give a Compliment
When I was a teenager I read Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls. This book, especially the one for adults, is one of the top reads for anyone who’s looking to sharpen their people skills. In Carnegie's book, I read that giving compliments to people is a surefire way to make a positive impression on someone. Sure enough, it’s always a winning move for me. When I have a brain freeze or don’t really know what else to say I find something I like that the person is wearing and compliment them on it. At best, it leads to a thank you and conversation. Sometimes a compliment gets returned. People end up thinking you’re a super nice person afterward. A WIN for you.
Tip #3 Ask Questions
This one’s another Dale Carnegie steal. I swear, the guy’s a genius when it comes to this stuff. Since I was child I was quite inquisitive, which my mother also called obnoxious or nosy. At any given moment there are a million questions running through my mind (thank God for Google which I’m willing to bet was invented by inquisitive, socially awkward introverts similar to the creators of Amazon and Facebook whom we all know are seriously winning in life right now). Luckily enough, Dave Carnegie claims a good way to make conversation with someone is to ask an open-ended question, preferably about themselves. People LOVE to talk about themselves. I’ve found this to be true as when I usually ask most people a question about themselves they become easily engaged and want to talk more. In general, people like to know someone is interested in them. It’s human nature, we all want to be liked, seen, and heard. Also, talking about the other person tends to take the pressure off of talking about yourself which can be daunting for a socially anxious person. Double WIN.
Tip #4 You Gotta Laugh
When all else fails, laugh. Laughter is known to break tension and make you feel better. Laugh at your awkwardness. It’s okay. We are all awkward sometimes. If you flubbed and said something dumb, laugh. Tripped in public? Laugh. Got laughed at? Laugh. Then at least they’ll be laughing with you, not at you. I understand how hard this can be in the moment. Anxiety tends to make us take ourselves so seriously. In reality, what you’re worried about in that moment will last for literally that, A MOMENT. So breathe through it, laugh at your blunders, and move on to the next brighter moment (like recharging on your couch, alone with Netflix, like all good introverts do).
You Can Win At This
The best way to win at being socially awkward is to realize your awkward is beautiful. Special, even. Unique to you and useful to the world. The world needs more kind, considerate, compassionate people who care about the feelings of others.
Sure you think it’s a pain always carrying the weight of others’ opinions and feelings but imagine being the exact opposite, with no regard for other humans at all? With no empathy or compassion (shudder). I’d choose socially awkward over sociopath any day. It took me years to accept myself the way I am, awkwardness and all. But finally, I’ve come to this conclusion: My awkward is awesome and so is yours.
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