A few weeks ago I went on an island vacation with the hubby to celebrate my birthday/Valentine’s Day. I had taken the week off and was pretty excited about it. At first. I soon found my anxiety levels beginning to rise. My mind raced with ridiculous, unnecessary thoughts: “What if they lose our reservation?” “What if we hate where we’re staying?” “What if something goes wrong and I’m called back to work?” “What if I contract Covid-19 while we’re there?” An endless cycle of worries plagued me, my excitement waned, and I began to feel a sense of dread. Certainly, I could not deserve to be lounging around for several days in pure honeymoon happiness and bliss. Something was bound to go wrong, right?
This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced this wave of emotions. Usually when something good transpires in my life, I’m racked with anxiety asking myself questions like “what’s the catch?” waiting for an anvil to come crashing out of the sky to crush my hopes and dreams like in some Looney Toons cartoon.
I’ve recently learned this state of thinking is called happiness anxiety. And boy I’ve got it bad. It can be loosely defined as the fear that when a good event occurs, something bad is right around the corner. Sound familiar? If you are familiar with these feelings, the good thing is there is a way through this. A cure of sorts. I have had to provide myself with several needed doses of it lately.
My Antidote for Happiness Anxiety is as follows:
An Attitude of Gratitude and a Dose of Acceptance
When good things happen to me, especially when they’re unexpected, I naturally assume there must have been a mistake. Someone must have gotten it wrong. On more than one occasion, the Starbucks I frequent has gifted me a drink/snack claiming someone paid for my order or it’s on the house. The first time this happened I actually asked the server, “Are you sure? This is for me?” As soon as she nodded, I sped off quickly before she could realize there’d been an error and I was made to return my frappé.
Essentially I’ve been asking myself this question my whole life. Any time I experience joy, generosity, and goodness, I think: Is this for me? The next few times I experienced this treatment at Starbucks, I simply responded “Thank you” and accepted the offer with a smile. I’ve had to learn to apply this in my life. If the Lord sees fit to bless you and I with good gifts, even in the form of delicious frozen coffees, who are we to refuse Him? Take on an attitude of gratitude, say thank you, and accept his grace and offerings.
A Focus on the Present
While I was preparing for our getaway, it dawned on me that while I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, I was troubling myself over events I had no proof or evidence would happen. There was no rationale for my catastrophizing and I was beginning to spoil my vacation before it had even begun. I had to pinch myself to shake myself out of it. “Stop it. Stay present. Nothing bad is happening right now. Focus on right now.” I told myself. I still needed some convincing throughout the week, to focus on what was happening right in front of me. Ultimately, and to my surprise, we had an amazing stay. Much better than I’d imagined it would be. Sometimes it’s necessary to get out of your own way. No looking forward, no thinking back, just accepting and enjoying the moment you’re in.
A Bit of Paying it Forward
A part of happiness anxiety is feeling like you can’t enjoy yourself when you know others are suffering. Those feelings of guilt? They suck. They are also unwarranted. God blesses us so we can then be a blessing to others (2 Corinthians 9:11) It’s hard to be a blessing if you haven’t learned to receive blessings. In the same vein, one cannot pour if they haven’t been poured into. I was thrilled when my parents took us up on our invitation and joined us for some much needed time away. It was nice to be able to give them that special time. It felt good to receive but it felt way better to give. We are meant to enjoy the goodness in our lives and then spread that goodness into the lives of others.
Great Expectations
In retrospect, I’ve spent much of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop because I didn’t feel worthy enough for good things to happen to me. I didn’t feel I deserved them. Most people feel this way from time to time. If left unchecked though, these feelings can lead to a world of self-sabotage and unnecessary suffering.
As Christians, we serve a good God who gives good gifts (Matthew 7:11). I’m teaching myself to eagerly await his goodness to show up in my life every single day. If God’s plans are to prosper me and not harm me (Jeremiah 29:11) then why should I expect anything less than what He has promised to do?
Embrace Happiness. ( Photo by Jeffrey Erhunse at Unsplash)
Do you sometimes feel like you don’t deserve good things? Ever feel like whenever something awesome is getting ready to come to pass in your life, something will happen to rain on your parade? I’m curious to know what’s worked for you in overcoming your anxiety? Comment below!
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